The Power of the… (what!)

I was faced with a weird question earlier. A question on top of a conundrum, so that I became baffled to the point of pissed off.

A couple of obnoxious boys (Frat-ish, with the ball caps and flannel shirts; you know; just short of Hipster, only because they tried to hard) were next to me at the bar being loud and over-sexed assholes. I tuned them out after a bit. As they were leaving, though, the young bartender stopped one of them and asked, “Did you get somebody pregnant?”

He nodded, reluctantly, and the other party’s life flashed before my eyes. To her, he loved her. To the girls at the bar, she was someone he knocked up. To him, she and the unborn (unfelt) child were an obligation for which he was utterly unprepared. He looked like a snared animal for just a second, if only to me, and maybe I’m crazy, but he seemed to accept the duty like a soldier going to his noble if inevitable execution.

Then, my life flashed before my eyes. I, too, got pregnant unexpectedly. I was forced to duty, though it’s one I thoroughly enjoy. I, however, had no choice. So, I started wondering…

If a woman must care for the child, even though we both created the child; if we as women are obligated all the way through nine months of hell followed by the that perfect moment; do we have the right to take the child away, should the father prove unworthy to the mother?

I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought and (forgive me, ladies)…no. No, I don’t think we do. Isn’t it odd that they seem able to walk away anytime they want but we have no right to take their child away….again; no. Here’s my problem, the same moral code written upon the hearts of the men who don’t leave, is the same as that we have, purely for our children’s protection.

I put forth to myself, the question of whether a child is better off without a father, or with one who is (potentially) abusive? I know children, who are equally damaged or “normal” (as best our society can manage to describe, at any rate) who came from either situation. I ask because it’s a legitimate (largely unanswered) question. “Nature versus Nurture” still wages war and the answer would help put the argument to bed. You see, I believe that it’s the child, exponentially more than the parents, who determine(s) the child’s life, but that the child has to be exceptionally strong-willed to overcome the consequences of abuse/abandonment.

I must believe, as a mother, that it is ultimately up to all three (or four, or five, or however many) parties of the immediate family to decide the family dynamic; subconsciously or outright. I considered taking my daughter far away. My logic was; if he’ll hit me, he’ll hit her. Honestly, I feel like it will never be my place to assume an evil upon a person they’ve never committed. Therefore, I could never remove her from his life unless he actually crossed that line with her. Then, I would have no choice. As far as I’m concerned, I’m a different story. Whenever he got out of line with me, I can mostly understand his anger; just NOT how far he took it. 

I couldn’t just beat someone up…no matter how strong I was. How does one take complete advantage of another human being, just because they are little? It’s the most disgusting form of Capitalism. If I could destroy him, I wouldn’t (all the hims).

And didn’t.

So, why did he keep pounding away at me?

Can I ever take my little girl away from her Daddy?


Should I have???

I doubt it.